Patti

Hello Journal,


So Journal? Have you been well? I hope so. It has been a while since I have updated you hasn't it. Well I suppose I will start with my trip out to Kansas. It was great to see Tom before he left for his deployment. We got to see each other for 2 days instead of 3 since Delta might be the worst airline in existence. Long story short, Delta sucks and canceled my flight and then couldn't get me out until the next night so we went to MidWest and booked there. So that was good. :) I was very happy to see him. So we kissed, really our first mutually excepting that it was a kiss, among other things. Truth be told it wasn't what I was expecting, but that's neither here nor there, a lot has happened since then.

Tom is in Afghanistan and that's always a worry on my mind, but we do get to email back and forth almost everyday and that makes me happy. I love him, but I've decided I'm not in love with him. I miss him daily and hope he is safe everyday. He is great though, so much more mature I've told him about guys I'm dating and he just responds with I am happy to be talking to you again.

So I joined match.com for a while. And out of it I have some strange stories. Ok for starter I met this guy named David.

David is in a wheelchair and he is 33 years old. We ended up dating for about 2 months. All and all it was a terrible experience. He would grab my fat and shake it, and then he would point out when I broke out on my face, or tell me how much he dated. And my friends ended up hating him. Plus side I got to go some really nice places to eat and we did sort of fun things, which was cool. But he never ever really wanted to kiss me which is weird. I'm glad I got rid of him.

Then there was Josh, who was 25 and essentially the CT version of Jon, that didn't last past the first date.

Following Josh was Brian, 30 something, cute but really into himself, and all he wanted was sex... so that didn't last past the first date, and since we didn't have sex he never called again. Also a bit of lush he downed 4 beers and a shot in the time I had one.

Then Will (32), who was so desperate for a relationship after one date he was talking about great we would be together, I canceled my match after him, lol.

Alright so here's what I gathered from being on match, 20 something guys want to text and message all day, where 30 something guys actually want to meet.

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Family news. I now own a house. That's right Live Journal I am half the owner my father's house. So as you know my aunt is a giant asshole and she stole the money from my dad and then dad had to procure the mortgage on his own. Well he couldn't do it, so in order for it to go through, my dad had to put me on the deed. So while I am not actually paying for the house, I am in fact the owner of the house. Worst part is, she is still living there! I know right!? What a fucking bitch... I just want her out of there, she is causing so many problems. She won't leave because she needs my dad to help her with her house. But she isn't going to pay him or pay him rent... what the fuck!? And I'm the manipulative one? Give me a fucking break.

So still no word as to when I am going to get hired at Sikorsky officially, although I should have health insurance next week, at least I am hoping. A chick in my department just left so hopefully that translates into a vacant position for me.

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Ok now for the real reason I have finally decided to update you. I met someone. I know right!? You are as surprised as I am. I went to a Halloween Party on Saturday night dressed as Bat Girl. Anyway, I took Jared, Jeff, PJ, and well Nikki took me since it was her friend's party. Jared's friend Kerri came who invited her boyfriend Brian who had a friend named Mike. Ok so apparently (and I had to ask him for clarification on this) he complimented me on my costume and then him and I started talking. We talked for a really long time at that party and joked. He was dressed as Jack Bauer. Anyway he had a gun and he gave it to me, and I got carry it around for the night. So we joked made light casual conversation, it was pretty apparent we were vibing on each other. So anyway, Jeff was trying to cock block and that was pissing me off, and I had had it with him. So I get rid of Jeff, and Mike turns to Kerri and starts whispering to her and she just nods. I found out later it was him asking her if I was single. So at some point he gets my number or rather I give it to him. Then it comes to end of the night where he is saying goodbye. Well now it is this awkward how do we say goodbye, like I said we were clearly vibing on each other. So we go in for a hug and it turns into a hug and a kiss.

Ok so the kiss. Let's talk live journal. It was like the world around us just stopped for a second. And it was slow motion. The hug happened and then as I was pulling away, our lips met and it was soft and tender, and perfect. The only thing that would have made it more perfect is if there weren't so many people around when it happened. We pulled back and smiled.

So then he left and made sure to say goodbye one more time. Well now it was time for me to round up the troops and get out of there. Nikki was pretty gone so I went with her to the car.

So then Mike starts texting me and we are going back and forth while this giant fight breaks out next to my car. It was very flirtatious and it also showed that we actually did like me and wasn’t out to play games. This made me happy.

Well this fight went on right outside my car and this dude that was hitting on Jeff all night started punching holes in walls so Joe (guy who lives at the house) gets pissed and starts beating him, huge dude by the way. Finally I get the guys to the car and we get out of there, after of course the cops start to ask me questions.

We get home and I think everyone had a good time… well maybe not PJ surprise surprise. Oh Costumes… I was Bat Girl, Jared was cracked out Miley Cyrus, Nikki was the Queen of Hearts, PJ was Spock, and Jeff was the Burger King. All and all, chuck this up as a great night!

Alright Journal so it is going to look like I posted this on the 10th but this is actually an older entry that I never had a chance to post… more to follow after this.

You stay classy!

Daughtry No Surprise Lyrics

I've practiced this for hours, gone round and round
And now I think that I've got it all down
And as I say it louder, I love how it sounds
Cause I'm not taking the easy way out
Not wrappin' this in ribbons
Shouldn't have to give a reason why

Chorus
It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed till today
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

It came out like a river once I let it out
When I thought that I wouldn't know how
Held onto it forever, just pushing it down
Felt so good to let go of it now
Not wrapping this in ribbons
Shouldn't have to give a reason why

Chorus
It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed till today
There's nothing here in this heart left to borrow
There's nothing here in this soul left to say

Don't be surprised when we hate this tomorrow
God knows we tried to find an easier way
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

Our favorite place we used to go
The warm embrace that no one knows
The loving look that's left your eyes
That's why this comes as no,
As no surprise

If I could see the future and how this plays out
I bet it's better than where we are now
But after going through this
It's easier to see the reason why

Chorus
It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed till today
(stayed till today)
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

Our favorite place we used to go
The warm embrace that no one knows
The loving look that's left your eyes
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

Stop it Patti. Just stop it.

Incompatible, it don't matter though
'cos someone's bound to hear my cry
Speak out if you do
You're not easy to find

Is it possible Mr. Loveable
Is already in my life?
Right in front of me
Or maybe you're in disguise

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Here we are again, circles never end
How do I find the perfect fit
There's enough for everyone
But I'm still waiting in line

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

If there's a soulmate for everyone

Most relationships seem so transitory
They're all good but not the permanent one

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Soulmate - Natasha Bedingfield

Ok so technically the morning is almost over seeing as how it is almost noon but we will go with it. Saturday mornings are nice, but nothing nearly as fun as Sunday mornings. I love Sunday Mornings. Sex Sunday morning is probably my favorite. :) Not that I've experienced that in quite sometime. Sad day for me.

I'm currently sipping on my coffee, chilling out in my apartment, doing some laundry, and generally enjoying my time. I think soon here I will be doing something a bit more active but hey I like this.

So let me give a bit of an update as to what has happened at work. Sandy got laid off and as a result I inherited 3 programs. I am now the data requisitioner for the S76, S76D and Singapore helicopters :) Sweetness :) It was an intense week at work to say the least and I am glad that right now all I am doing is sitting in front of my computer and writing in my live journal. All and all I am very happy. Plus I heard a tiny rumor when the freeze is lifted I will get a job... Sweetness! :)

So in less than 2 weeks I am flying out to see Tom. :) I am very excited. I think I will leave it at for now.

Short entry today but that means a better entry next time. :)

Hi Journal,

So reflecting back since the beginning of 2009, I have a lot to report. I will try and report it all as I remember it, it might get chaotic, but I know you will forgive me Journal. Brb I am going to need some coffee for this.

Ok I have my coffee, unfortunately I think my glasses are in my car so I am going to do and more than likely get a headache afterwords.


Let's start with Sikorsky. So far its the best job I have ever had. I was given this one job to do, to catch up with data that was massively backed up. It was a project that everyone thought was going to take months and it took me five weeks. Go me! Now I am the one who keeps up with all the dispositions. Not hard, but with it I have been given more and more responsibility and with it, it is harder to keep up with the dispositions. We are rolling out a new application, so what I did is purposely learn it so that I become almost invaluable. I am still a contractor, and unfortunately I don't see that changing in the immediate future. See while Sikorsky is doing well and actually profiting, UTC (its parent company) is not doing as well. In fact, UTC just issued 3 furlough days. So those weeks are going to hurt. Now, again I rock at my job but I have to say I still fear for the stability since I don't actually work for Sikorsky. So the downside to working at Sikorsky, is I work with literally all women, and man does it get caddy. Plus since I am low man on the totem pole they think they can get me to do their jobs. There is this one chick that flipped out on me two days ago because I basically wouldn't do her job for her. Better than that, she told me what my job was, like she has some authority over me, such bullshit! Oh man was I pissed. But then I realized, if I do my job and her job, and I do both well and in the allotted time that I have, who's it going to reflect poorly on... one hint... not me ;) So that's the basic idea of what is going on at work. One thing I need to do is find out about health insurance, you know that stuff is kind of needed. I should get on that, and I will. Someday. Soon. Maybe ;)

Alright so let's get to family life. Things have not improved with that is the evilness that is my aunt. In fact, she got worse. She started accusing my brother and I of throwing out good china on purpose, and then having dad replace it with crappy silverware. What a fucking nut case. Anyway, I told my dad that as soon as I was capable of living on my own that's exactly what I would do. Guess what? I moved out Journal ;) So in February I made the decision to start looking, my goal was to be out of my house by April 1st. I thought that if things weren't so so bad at home I should probably have stayed longer and try to save some money but unfortunately the stress was really getting to me. I was breaking out like you wouldn't believe and my hair was falling out. (Really I'm not lying) And I know it was stress, because as soon as I left my face cleared up and my hair stopped falling out.

So anyway, I signed up for this website called roommates.com and looked at a few places. Keep in mind this website is totally strange. You essentially put up a profile of yourself and what you looking for and then someone who has a room available does the same thing. So you then contact this person with the intention that you might actually live with them. SOOO weird. (But hey it worked) Most of the places weren't really that great. Then there was this one place, it was slightly more expensive then what I was looking for but it had somethings that I liked. Starters it was with this chick who is just a few years older than I am, also has a good job, and for what I had gathered in the five minutes of meeting her had her shit together. She was able to answer all the questions my dad and I had for her. Plus the place is residential and its a townhouse type place where we have the entire 2 floor. There is a married couple on the first floor and then two guys I think a little younger than I am on the third floor. She has two cats that are cute and I don't mind at all (except when its seven am and they wake me up to be fed on a Saturday) ;) The other benefit of this place was it was all furnished with the exception of what would be my room. So fortunately I wouldn't have to figure out furniture. Plus its nice furniture, she bought it all and it really is my taste as well. Kind of cool actually. Moving forward, after looking at some other places I made the decision to move in with her. So far its great. We get along great. (By the way journal her name is Nikki). She doesn't mind doing dishes either since you know I am kind of allergic and such. I do a lot of cooking for the two of us. Side note: PJ bought Roswell seasons 1 and 2 and was like you need to watch this! So I borrowed it and proceeded to get addicted quickly, best thing is, she did too. So now we have our Roswell nights. But we have to pace ourselves now, we are on season 3. (He bought season 3 for us lol) So I moved out in the last week of March, so I made my goal of April 1st. All and all I am in a much better place than I was in before.

So then let's talk about some of my friends. Well let's start with Leslie, she met this army guy and immediately fell in love. Good for her, from what I have gathered Jay seems like a really great guy and I am happy for her. I hope he's a really great guy, because well they are now married. :) So she is going to have a major wedding in 2010 but she did the civil marriage thing for now since he is going to deploy soon and it just made it easier. What's cool is I am a bridesmaid. Happy day. So then there is my friend Nicole, well she is going to tie the knot this summer in Colorado with long time boyfriend / fiance James. Good for those two. I am going to try my hardest to get to that wedding. Then there is my friend Jess, again already married (and just had her second child) but she is having a wedding in October possibly. I will see what I can do about that one.

So since now that I have a job where I have gained my weekends back to myself, I have gotten to do some traveling. During the three day weekend of Easter, I went to DC and visited Laura. It had been 2 years since I've seen that girl, honestly that's entirely too long. :) I had a lot of fun, we went sightseeing and got to hang at her house, rent movies it was great. I had so much fun. I will have to do that again sometime in the near future.

So I have a four day weekend coming up and I get to see Katie and Kerri. Kerri is flying in from CO to VA, and I am going to fly to VA as well. I am super pumped! That's in a just a few days. Its been a year since I have seen the two of them. YAY. Oh and Katie and Adam just bought a house, so congrats to them! I will tell you more about that weekend, after I actually have it ;)

Brb, laundry check. And I am back, Miss me? I know you did.

So Jared, PJ, Jeff and I still have our Monday night ritual. We all get together and watch some shows, but the season is about to end so I don't know if we will continue. Mrs. Moretti has took it upon herself to feed me Monday nights. :) I just show up after work on Monday, hang with PJ until Jared and their parents come home and then we have dinner before the rest of the gang shows up. Its fun. A new guy has been coming to Monday nights, and his name is Will. Nice guy, bit of a nerd, no issue there. I feel kind of bad for him, he just broke up with his girlfriend and he is taking his break up way worse than I am taking mine..... oh yes Journal nice segue into the next segment of the entry.

So as I just said, Jon and I broke up. So there were / are a lot of things that were going through my head. In the past few months, I just haven't felt like it was going to work out. It was tough to be in a long distance relationship, sure but it was more than that. Let's see if I can verbalize (or should I say inscribe) this into words. He's a great guy, just not a great guy for me. There were things that the more and more I thought about just didn't make me happy. For starters, money. This one was huge! He maxed out three credit cards, didn't seem to care that he to pay back student loans etc etc. He quit his job last September at Best Buy because they were bullying him, and I have to say I understood that. But he was then supposed to get another job, and the entire time that I stayed with him, it just didn't happen. Now the more I think about this, he kept saying that he was looking on career builder and monster everyday but really that's not how you get a job. Then instead of getting a shitty taco bell job where he could at least pay some of his credit card debt he refused stating that he didn't want to go on his resume. THAT IS SUCH A BULLSHIT excuse. You don't need to put that on your resume. Target never went on my resume, and when I finally got an interview I just stated that I was working at Target until I found an actual career. Hey I know how much those jobs suck I worked at target for seven or eight months. If Jon and I stayed together, I could just imagine what sort of money issues the two of us would have, he doesn't care if he can't pay his credit card bill where as I freak out. Bad stuff. So another thing, was that he started to say things like marriage in casual conversation and I have to say every time he said it, I would get a knot in my stomach, not the reaction you want to have with the person you are dating. I thought at one time I wanted to marry Jon but the more and more I looked at it, the less and less I wanted to do it. So Jon was never a people person. That was obvious, and I usually let it go, but then I got thinking I just didn't like out he was outwardly rude to people, and it really really pissed me off when he would call people stupid for believing in God. I believe in God, so essentially he was calling me stupid. Not good Jon. So anyway, one Sunday he called me up and told me he could feel us drifting apart and truth be told I had felt like that for a long time. So I called him the next day, to find out that instead of looking for a job that Monday he was playing D & D which is like an eight hour game during a perfectly good job looking day. That's the straw that broke the camel's back. What an ass. It seemed to me he didn't care how long it would take him to get to CT, and when he did finally get here, I would more or less be supporting him. Thanks but no thanks. Anyway, I broke up with him and then PJ was there to console me best he could. So Jared did me a favor where he made it so my facebook wouldn't feed his stuff, that way I wouldn't have to see it. Well as soon as I signed on facebook about half hour after we broke up I saw that it said Jon has "Never felt so fucking betrayed." WHAT THE FUCK! I never betrayed him. I was always faithful, and trust me I had opportunities. That infuriated me and made me realize that I had made the correct decision. Way to go Jon, if you ever had a glimmer of hope of me thinking I made the wrong decision you blew it right there! Anyway, I will miss him, we laughed about stupid things a lot and that was always nice, I wouldn't mind having him as a friend in my life, but I know that's going to be nearly impossible since we live so far apart and he doesn't actually want to talk to me ever. C'est la vie. There are somethings that I will definitely miss with Jon. For starters, the sex. He was by far the best lover I have ever had. Just thinking about it gives me a little chill, but hey I doubt that is the only person out there that I can have great sex with, and I will find someone. The other thing I will miss is his family. I was really tight with his family. In fact, his mom I use to call Mom, and she was like a mother to me, someways more than my own mother, (actually many ways). I loved his nieces and nephews like my own too. It makes me sad that I won't have them anymore. And then his brother actually sort of showed some family likeness to me my last visit which kind of shocked me. And his sister was always nice to me. Anyway, nature of every breakup is you lose people you care about.

Anyway, so I need to tell you something journal that you did for me. I went back and starting reading all my entries, and I didn't realize this but I have had you since for four years now. April was four years, so Happy Birthday journal! So I read and it seems that every entry about Jon since July 2007 was unhappy or where I was angry. How much sense does that make. There are entries that say I am happy, but if I really was, why would I have had to state it after writing an entry about something that he did to piss me off. So apparently I haven't been happy in two years and didn't even realize. Way to be Patti. Then there was something else I realized upon re-reading Journal. You can probably, already guess what it is can't you.

Well quick pause here and I will be right back.

Care to venture that guess? I will give you a hint. It begins with T, ends with M, and has an O in the middle. Yes I knew you would guess. Tom. Oh Tom. A person in my life that I never actually felt fully right with what went down between us. In fact, I felt just plain wrong about the whole thing.

Ok another laundry check, don't hate me journal I will continue with this thought after a short intermission.

And I am back, did you survive? Good.

Tom has never left my mind, and I was never actually sure what I should or shouldn't do about it. I mean when I was Jon I just let myself know I can't contact him, it wouldn't be right and it would cause tons of problems. I told myself I did the right thing time and time again, but really had I done the right thing? And if not to make things more complicated, he was in my head more and more as Jon and I had more and more problems.

Anyway, Jon and I broke up and that meant I had just eliminated the reason that I couldn't talk to him anymore. So now I had to decide if I would actually talk to him, or if I was just going to let it go. (I think I knew I wasn't going to let it go) I talked to Leslie and was like I dunno what if he doesn't want to talk to me, I mean I did cut him out of my life, I couldn't blame him if he wanted nothing to do with me ever again. Anyway, I went online, put him on my buddy list and saw he was online. (Ok Deep Breath Patti here we go.... Hi Tom. No answer, no answer, wait... I see typing. He's responding! (REMEMBER TO BREATHE PATTI)) And then it happened. Tom was officially apart of my life again. So he seemed completely at ease (that made one of us) and if fact just starting talking and talking, and told me about his life and what had been happening over the last two and half years. After that I told him about my life, finally mentioning the break up. All he responded was he didn't know how to respond. Fair enough. Now journal, wanna hear the really weird part about talking to Tom after not having talked to him for two and half years....? IT WASN'T WEIRD. Yeah I know right? Anyway, we got on the phone shortly after wards and were on the phone until 2:30 in the morning. We talked about a lot. He didn't bother holding back either. He told me about how he really missed me in Afghanistan and finally talked to someone about it. I appreciated the honesty.

And guess what in re-reading the journal he was mentioned in most of the entries, even after we had stopped talking for over two years. So for someone that I hadn't spoken to or heard from in two years is still in my entries what does that mean?

So anyway we have been talking a lot lately, we shoot emails to each other all day while I am work, and then talk on the phone at night. Now journal can you keep a secret? I mean it... don't tell. I am falling head over heels in love. Shh... I don't think I have been in love with Jon for sometime. I loved him more as a friend towards the end. Anyway, back to Tom. We haven't gone right back to best friends. He tells me everything I tell him everything, we can even talk about super awkward things. (just as an example, he asked me about period, and it didn't weird me out to tell him about it)

So he hasn't said it verbally to me yet, I don't know if he is afraid or thinks it would be awkward or what, but it got brought up in a text message conversation the two of us had and he told me that he was in love with me and had never stopped. He also said that it is more important to him to have me back in his life as a best friend since he had to live without me for so long. And that made me feel good.

So you are probably thinking that this is all great right? Well sure, but that's because I haven't gotten to the bad part yet. So stupid me for not getting touch with him sooner (not that I really could) but he is deploying. Yup, he is deploying with an army unit to Afghanistan for an entire year. He is going to be training the Afghan National Army. The worst part is that he leaves in July and unfortunately he is in Kansas right now training, which means I can't see him before he leaves. I miss him so much. I just want to see him, hug him, and of course kiss him, a proper kiss where the two of us actually participate. Plus you know there is this whole business of me slaughtering him at cards. I just wish I could see him once even if it was just a few hours before he left. Such is life.

So we got talking about where the two of us saw this going, and we both came to to conclusion that we see it ending up in a relationship, but we are going to wait until he gets back and take it from there. So for now, Tom is my best friend (but on some level we both know its more than that). This next year is going to be interesting, and I look forward to see what emerges out of it. So I recently wrote Tom a letter stating all things that were going through my mind about him and I getting in a relationship. And I came up with some concerns about it. He read the letter and said that he had similar concerns with the exception of him and I breaking up, and not being friends anymore. He said the thought didn't cross his mind about us breaking up ever. I'm not sure what to do with that. I mean it is a possibility but then again, I kind of agree with him. I think if him and I finally did get to relationship point it would be a love that movies are made of. But I'm getting a head of myself.

A big concern of mine is that I don't know if I could be a military wife. In fact, I am leaning more to the side of not. I always saw myself pursuing my goals, and never really take into consideration others, which is a major reason I am single right now ;) Then last night we were talking about law school and he told me about this bill where if him and I got married I could go to law school for free essentially, as long as he signed up for an additional four years of service. So in some ways I am still pursuing what I want (law school) but then having to deal with being a military wife... right back to where I am not sure I can be. Just somethings that have been flowing through my mind. Again getting a head of myself. (Hard not to)

Anyway, journal, I think I will stop here, even though I could probably come up with more to write about but its best to stop here and actually do something with my Saturday, and I have to check my laundry again anyway.

Hope this brings some life back to you old friend.

Love,
Patti

Hello my darling. I hope you are doing well.

So some new things going on in my life. Well one really. Ready? Sure you are? Well here it is.... I GOT A JOB! YAY. I am data requisitioner in the data management department at Sikorsky Aircraft. Well sort of anyway. Right now I am what they call a yellow badge. All that means is that I get paid by another company, for now anyway. I am hoping to get hired on as a full time employee at some point in the future. Then I will be a green badge, a much more respected color if you ask me. ;) In any event, the job is good. Right now all I am doing is getting together dispositions that are back logged and getting them sent out. That's why they brought me in. So I hope that as soon as I am done with that, I will get some more exciting work. I work with all women and they are good people.

Right now there seems to be a lot of drama because they are moving us to another part of the building. Oh well. I don't care but it seems to be a really big deal for other people. What I have to say to that is C'est la vie, and that's it.

Oh I joined a cardio kickboxing class. Its cool, except its small, there are now three people total on Tuesday and two on Thursday. Oh well its helping me get in shape and that's what's important. :)

So some notes on my mind, which will make sense to me, but few, if any others.
1. GET OUT OF MY HEAD. I mean it. Now.
2. Kiss my ass.
3. What is wrong with me?
4. What do you think about?
5. DJ.


Alright I will leave it at that for now.

You cool your bed warm hands down
On the broken radiator

When you lay them freezing on me
I mumble can you wake me later

But I don't really want you to stop
And you know it so it doesn't stop you

You run your hands from my neck
To my chest

Crack the shutters open wide
I want to bathe you in the light of day

And just watch you as the rays
Tangle around your face and body

I could sit here for hours
Finding new ways to be awed each minute

'Cause the daylight seems to want you
Just as much as I want you

Its been minutes Its been days,
I remember all I will remember

Happy lost in your hair
And the cold side of the pillow

Your hills and valleys
Are mapped by my intrepid fingers

And in a naked slumber
I dream all this again
-Snow Patrol


I close both locks below the window
I close both blinds and turn away

Sometimes solutions aren't so simple
Sometimes good bye's the only way

[Chorus]
And the sun will set for you
The sun will set for you

And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey

And the sun will set for you
[End Chorus]

In cards and flowers on your window
Your friends all plead for you to stay

Sometimes beginnings aren't so simple
Sometimes good bye's the only way

[Chorus]
And the sun will set for you
The sun will set for you

And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey

And the sun will set for you

And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey

And the sun will set for you

And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey

And the sun will set for you
[End Chorus]
-Linkin Park

Hey Journal,

Alas I have some time to greet you with my presence. So not a whole lot is new with me. I still live at home with my dad, brother and horrible aunt and grandmother. They still hate me and yet there is still no reasonable explanation. On another note, I start a new job a week from today. I will be working with my dad and I am not entirely sure what it is I will be doing. I know it has something to do with a rate change, but that's about all I know at this point. So we shall see from there.

I am kind of mixed about this. One I love my dad so it will be cool to be spending so much time with him, but on the other hand when you spend so much time with someone you tend to get sick of them and then fight. I can't fight with my dad, then who would I have to hang with? We have been doing a dinner together for a few weeks now and we trade off paying for it. Its nice. We invite my brother but he usually doesn't want to come. So its just my dad and I.

Speaking of my brother, my baby brother, the young one, is making me feel old. He turns 18 a week from tomorrow. All grown up, scary. He's also a lot taller than I am now, which I guess I am getting use to now, but he's my baby bro, I was always taller, not the case anymore. So my almost adult brother is going in a downward spiral and I hope that it will soon stop. He smokes pot, which bothers the hell out of me. I wish he would just wake up. Also about a week ago, we found the liquor in our cabinet missing. What an idiot, like we wouldn't notice when liquor starts disappearing in a house where nobody drinks. It used mostly on holidays. I think the last time any of my family went to a package store to actually make a significant purchase might have been about 8 years ago. Stupid. He also recently got his heart toyed with. He was into this chick named Stacey, she seemed nice enough. I took them both to the beach one day in Rhode Island. Well she had a boyfriend at the time and then she broke up with him and then she started to date my brother. He was happy and then she broke up with him and starting dating the other guy again. I'm not sure what's going on there now, because he said that he was thinking about "pursuing her again." I think its a bad idea but as my point earlier, he's old enough to make his own decisions.

(coffee break, brb)

Nevermind a new pot is brewing so I have to wait.

So Target was both bad and good. The job that I had really was not a bad job, but I didn't like how management would make the Outs team do a bunch of other things and then complain that there were a lot of outs. If they don't give us the equipment, people, or time to do our job properly then we can not be held responsible for the fact that things are not done to the standards they want. The good aspect of the job was easily the people. Coming back to CT from CO was going to be a difficult transition for me to begin with it. Most of my friends moved away or I stopped keeping in touch with. I mean come on I lived in CO for four years it was bound to happen. My goal is to not let that happen with my CO friends. Anyway, the people at work became my friends, some around my age, some not. It was nice to have some people around again to joke with and chit chat with. The women I worked with Deb, Trish, Gislaine, and Linda were great people. I definitely want to keep in touch with all of them, even tough the youngest one has me by eight years and the oldest has me by 32 years. Deb is so funny and doesn't act at all her age and I love her for it. She keeps my life interesting. So then there are the people that are my age. I was hoping that I would break an inner circle there and they would have invited me out sometime, it didn't happen but I plan on giving out my cell number and hope that if they ever decide to go out they will give me a call. I don't care if I have to drive to Danbury. It would be nice to see other faces, other than Jared, PJ, and Jeff, not that I don't love those guys its just that they are the only ones I hang with. Oh! So side note about Gislaine. When I met her she was super pregnant. She was my immediate supervisor. So anyway I asked her when she was due and she said September 17th. And I laughed and said she was going to have her baby on birthday (September 9th) and guess what.... she did! So now her baby officially has the coolest birthday. :)

Alright so moving forth... guess what I did last week journal? Got nothing, alright I will tell you. I bought a new car. That's right, not a new car to me but its actually used, no I bought a new car! Its freaking sweet. I bought a 2009 Ford Fusion SEL. Fuck yeah! You wish you were this cool journal. Its Dark Blue Ink Metallic. Man I love this car. So the deal was my dad had two cars he was trying to sell and nobody was buying them, so he decided in order to clear the drive was we would just trade in the two cars plus my taurus and then buy a new car. So for Christmas this year I gave myself six years of payments. YAY. Honestly I make it sound worse then it really is. It will suck sure, but my other car needed so much work and now I have a great reliable car. :) It should last for a really long time. So I am happy. Plus it has sync which might be the coolest thing ever. :P

(Ok coffee break time again.)

And I am back, which to you who is reading this seemed like nothing but it was actually a few minutes. I bought the wrong creamer so I am suffering with gross coffee for now, I am hoping to get through this creamer quickly so I can buy some better shit.

So anyway, Jon is graduating on the 20th. He's the first in his family and that's cool because I was the first in my immediate family too. I am flying out to see him for that weekend. I am super excited to see him and yet uber disappointed that it is only going to be for I think I calculated 46 hours. Shitty especially because a major part of that will be spent in the car. I miss him, a lot. (there I made it two words, don't ask journal inside joke) So anyway, I am going to take him and his mom and stepfather out to eat for his graduation. I think its appropriate. I am sad that I can't spend Christmas and New Years with him. I wanted to so bad but with the new job it just wasn't possible. He is going to move out here one day. I am not sure when that is, but one day.

We are both in shitty situations, we live far away from our friends, and the houses we are living in seem to be inconveniencing others just be our mere presence. His stepfather seems constantly annoyed that he is there, and well I don't need to go into vivid detail about my grandmother and aunt. We both need to get out of where we are living, but to do that we need money, something the two of us just don't have. We are both working on that though.

So I am not about to judge, in fact I am just going to say to this for clarification. Jon hasn't had a job for a couple of months now. Best Buy was screwing him so he quit and frankly I don't blame him at all right now, but... as a result he has absolutely no money. Not really a big deal since he lives at home with his mom, so there isn't rent or anything to worry about, but Christmas is approaching and I am just hoping that he doesn't do something stupid. Jon loves to spoil me. Really he does. He buys me lots of stuff and its awesome. I like stuff. But... I am not expecting anything from him now. He can't even pay off his credit card bill, so I know he can't afford to do Christmas this year. And that's fine with me. But I know its not fine with him. It makes him feel really shitty that he can't spoil me this year, I know that. I just hope he realizes that I am not upset about that and that he doesn't try to spend money on me he doesn't have. Hell he bought me an awesome camera for graduation, that's good enough for me, and then he really did well with my birthday and got me massages. So I am cool that Christmas won't be as extravagant. I would rather him not spend money so that there is less debt later to get him out here faster.

So anyway, a couple of weeks about I was bored and there was nothing on television, so I picked up a book that Jon had gotten me at the beginning of the summer. It was called Twilight. There was very little I knew about it. I knew that it had something to do with vampires and I knew that it was popular because we kept selling out of it at Target. So I decided to read it. It's a saga (four books total). About seventy pages in the first one I knew that I was going to have to read all four. It was fucking phenomenal. It is a love story between a human and vampire and really I wasn't expecting it be what it was. Now its definitely targeted to a younger audience than me, (I found out my 12 year old cousin was reading it too) but its intense. The writing is not genius but the story is... ummm... entrancing... or captivating. So Edward is the vampire and he falls in love with a human named Bella, and well she falls in love with him too. The way Edward talks to Bella it just makes you melt. I am telling you what, if I guy talked to me the way that he talked to her I would be putty in his hands. I am telling you that I would be in serious trouble, the story gave me butterflies. Anyway, I read the rest of the story and there is a werewolf character. His name is Jacob. He falls in love with Bella and then won't accept that she is in love with Edward. (Sound familiar journal it should.) She cares for Jacob too, even loves him but its a different kind of love. Its a safe best friend, love. Sure she kisses him and there are feelings there, but a whole different set of feelings. Anyway, needless to say I related to this. Only thing is, there is a happy ending at the end of these books and I can't say that with my story. They all end up being friends and have an equal love and respect for each other. My ending ended with a severed friendship. Jon and I are happy and I mean that, and I am sure that this is how it had to be but I still miss Tom. He was my best friend, but that's all he was ever going to be. Over two years later and I still lack the best friend that he was. Anyway, I digress. The books were amazing, and to Jon's point, they will definitely get him laid.... he knows what I mean. ;)

So I have to go to my family Christmas party next week. I don't know I hope it doesn't suck too terribly but I'm sure it will. Oh well. I will let you know more about that some other time. Alas I shall end here.

Love you journal!
Patti

Jon says he doesn't know if he can trust me ever again. I understand, I violated his trust by hacking into his email. I regret it but he fails to see that I was hurting and hurting and hurting some more. He claims nothing goes on in his life worthy of talking about but that's bullshit.

Now he is playing a game with me. Oh and we all know how much I like games. So anyway, we talk on the phone and then I will say something and then there is no respond, not even an uh huh. Nothing. I hate it. Then when I wait, he simply responds in a casual way, I have nothing to say. Fine then. Whatever continue not to talk to me.

And last but certainly not least it has been 3 days and no I love you. I would text him Goodnight and I love you. And I would get either a Night. Goodnight. or Goodnight and sweet dreams. The "Night" pissed me off because he didn't even say goodnight. Goodnight is better and so is Goodnight and sweet dreams, but not so much as an I love you in three whole days. How many days will it be? This is bullshit. If he doesn't love me any more than he should have broken up with me, and if he is unsure he should break up with me because you either love or you don't, there is no in between not in an almost 3 year relationship. And if you do. Tell the person. Let them know. :( Oh well.

And Life Continues.

Hello my beloved live journal,

It has been a while and alas I should tell the misery that is my life.

For starters, I graduated. I now have a college degree. In a few days time, my diploma will arrive and it will be official. I know what you are thinking, so why am I miserable, well ever since things have been shitty.

Let's talk about graduation weekend. My father, Aunt Mary (dad's side), my brother, my step father, my mother, my grandmother (mom's side), and my Aunt Stacia (mother's side), came to my graduation. Disaster is eminent. Plus Jon's mom and step father came to the ceremony.

Ok so let's talk about the weekend. Well it actually wasn't horrible for the first few days. I went into Rocky Mountain National Park with my dad, bro and aunt. Then I had dinner with Mom's side. It wasn't horrible. Mom's side drinks a lot but I kind of saw that coming. Well anyway Saturday comes, Graduation Day.

I hung by myself for a while and then Jon's parents came early so that they could bring some furniture to replace the furniture that I was taking with my back to CT. So we hung with them, then we all went to dinner with my dad's side. We went to Applebees. Yum. Well its time for me to go to the graduate area to get ready to walk in. I do that meet up with some friends at graduation and go. Well as soon as we get in there, I start making calls to everyone to find out where everyone is. Well I find everyone except my mother's side of the family. They disappeared, or should I say haven't shown up yet.

That's right my mother's side of the family was an hour and a half late to my graduation. I was pissed. The whole reason they were there was to see me graduate and instead they ate a nice dinner. Fuck you family. So insult to injury, mother is plastered. And she now gets to meet Jon's parents for the first time. Way to make an awesome impression mother.

Side note, she was so drunk a few days after the graduation I had breakfast with my friend Katie, and she goes did you see the lady in the black dress and how drunk she was? Ah, yeah I saw her, that was my mother. Jeeze mom, one day really that's all I wanted.

So the next day I hung with my mother's side of the family. So I went to see them and we decided to first see my apartment and then second to walk around Old Town for a little while. Well Joe and Myke stayed back. Joe watched TV and Myke and wrote a paper on my computer. So mom, grandma, Aunt Stacia, and myself walked around Old Town. I had an ice cream mom and Aunt Stacia had a sandwich. That night we were going to The Melting Pot, one of my favorite restaurants, retrospect, maybe not such a good idea.

We show up to the restaurant and the first thing we get is the cheese, bread, veggies and fruit. Delicious. Mom and Joe were anti fondue from the beginning they wanted nothing to do with it. Well then we got our salads, yummy salads. Then the entree comes out, which if you have never been to the Melting Pot, is raw meat, and then you cook it yourself in a broth type thing. I love it. My bro and I chowed down. My aunt and grandmother also chowed down, and my mother and step father, refused to eat anything. Well what they were supposed to eat, they made up with drinking, well mostly mother. She just downed wine. When she left the table my grandmother and aunt tried to hide it and drink some of it. Well she was drunk and I mean drunk before we even got to dessert. Well she started making a scene and crying and so they paid the bill and let Myke and stay to eat dessert. Which we had chocolate smores chocolate, and the dippings. YUMMY. Honestly it was nicer to have Myke there anyway, we got to just hang out which hadn't happened to whole weekend.

So then I went home, and dad came over with a bunch of stuff to have me start packing, and that's exactly what I did.

Well let's fast forward a little bit. Right before I got on the interstate I had breakfast with dad and Jon. This is of course the perfect time for Jon to tell me not to go. I am all packed up, my dad is waiting and now he actually expresses something, well too fucking late now Jon, when I was trying to talk to you all of those times before you ignored me. Now you tell me not to go. Honestly, way to just fuck with me.

I am over that, mostly. Anyway, the trip back with my dad wasn't bad, I had to follow him the entire way back home, he had the truck and the trailer. I had my car. The last day was rough because I slept very little and it was the furthest we had to travel. 16 hours in a car one day with no sleep, not recommended. So I get home.

Now I am back in CT. The first few days that I am there, I sleep on the couch because my brother refuses to get out of the basement which was mine when I left and I get back now. He finally vacates and I get to at least sleep in a bed and have my clothes put away. Side note: I feel bad that he has to sleep in the same room as my father, but with that said, the alternative is my sleep in the same room as my father, and I think that would be infinitely weirder. Plus we have this area in another room set up completely for my brother. So he gets privacy and really is is only sleeping in my father's room.

So then since I moved into the basement (I was 13) my dad has talked about giving me an actual room. Right now I have a bed and a dresser my computer etc, but cement walls, and not even walls on sides, no door, crummy old carpet and no ceiling. Well he decided that we would fix that and put two walls up, create a closet, and I would finally have a door. So we started one weekend. It was cool, my dad was teaching my how to frame walls, We got half a wall up and while I finished screwing that all in, he was working on the closet side and where my door would go. Well, my aunt comes down and basically freaks out saying why now, she's just going to leave, there is no reason to do this. Well my dad says well if she does move out, this room will go to Myke anyway, which it would have. I don't get it. It so was not a big deal.

She was pissed because they have been trying to redo the kitchen and since she changes her mind everyday, my dad gave up and just said do whatever you like because she would always say I am not ready. Well, she was afraid that the money was coming out of the fund they took out for the house, and just so everyone knows, not a dime was coming out of that fund.

Well Dad and I run out of materials, so back to Lowes we go. We buy more, including my door. Long story short, I go to the kitchen and then she proceeds to call me evil and manipulative, and swearing up a storm. I just sat there, and I took and was in shock. I didn't know how to react. So I leave and my dad comes in and they have a huge fight. Well long story short, my brother, dad and I have to move out now. As soon as dad gets some money, we are going to move. I am going to try and help. I just got a part time job, so hopefully that will help. The part time job is just until I can find something more permanent and career like in nature.

She hates me. My dad and I can't really figure out why. Which that's stupid. Also, I am not the one kicking a father and his two kids out... but according to her, I am the evil one. Think about that for a second.

She also thinks that Jon and I are going to take over and kick my grandmother and her out, which is just fucking crazy. She flipped her lid. I am not doing that at all. Jon and I never discussed him coming to CT and moving into this house. If and when he comes out, the two of us would get our own place. So anyway, she's crazy and paranoid, the end. Hope she is happy when we all move out, because she is going to be alone. My grandmother turns 90 in a few days, so I don't think she will be around too much longer, and as soon as she dies, my aunt is going to be alone and really the one person to blame for that is going to be herself.

So jobs. Since I just graduated I am looking for a job. I talked to my Uncle John and he is trying to help me out with getting a job at Sikorsky. That would be cool, good pay and benefits. Plus when I go to law school, they pick up the whole tab. YAY. So I still waiting on that. With that, I have also applied to a few other places. So hopefully I get something fast. Well in the mean time I got a part time job. So at least I will have some gas money and I plan on giving some to my dad too.

Speaking of money. I told Jon that I can put some money away and then probably pay for a ticket for him to come out. He seemed less than interested. I got an ok. Not yeah I miss you and that would great to see you. Nothing. And I mean nothing. That hurts to say the least.

Since I am speaking of Jon, I guess I will tell you what's going on there. So when I initially left, I knew it would be hard, but I was hoping for the best and sadly preparing for the worst. I don't think he loves me anymore. He hasn't said that but his actions are not speaking... but shouting at me.

First I just told you pretty much how miserable my life has been. I have no money, I am being kicked out of my house, and I have very few friends here. But I am not allowed to tell him any of that. He basically tells me I should have never left. So without him saying these exact words, its my fault. So he told me I am not allowed to talk about how miserable I am. So then who do I talk to? Crap I started crying again. He is supposed to be the one that I can release my feelings to, nope all I get is no sympathy and the phrase "You shouldn't have left." If I hadn't left it would just be a different set of problems. I don't know why he doesn't see that.

Second, when we talk on the phone, I feel like I am inconveniencing him. He doesn't like the phone and never has, yet that's really all we have at the moment, so deal with it. We have the same conversation almost every night. I ask what happened in his day, and he says nothing really. I went to class and work, or I went to class, or something like that. Its strained there are awkward silences, honestly it doesn't feel like he even cares that we aren't communicating right. And since I am not allowed to talk about my life, because right now, its only misery we have nothing to talk about. I get frustrated and then say I have to go, which lately means I get off the phone and cry myself to sleep.

Last night I talked to Katie, and honestly she made me feel better. I just needed someone to tell me they loved me and me know they meant it.

Third, I think Jon is tired of me and has decided to pay attention to other women. There is this girl Tabatha that he used to work with. He claims that he has no feelings for her or anything. Which I believe, but I don't believe the reverse is true. She flooded his wall on facebook, and the messages were flirtatious. When I talked to him about it, the response I got was well I am not going to stop talking to her. I simply said I am not asking you to, but if it gets inappropriate to address it. He shoved me off, which made me feel about the size of ant. While it took a me a while to do, I did finally stop talking to my best friend, and he won't even entertain the idea that I am less than enthusiastic about this particular friendship.

As I cry now, I just am at a loss. I don't want to lose him, but on some level I feel like I might have already. He doesn't seem at all concerned.

Alright Journal. I think I will leave there. I am already crying and I pretty much said what I think. Goodbye my friend.

It took me a while, and I got the question all the time. Well on the way home, after graduation, I was listening to Bon Jovi for about the millionth time and I realized... this is this perfect song to describe why I chose CSU. No more explanation needed.

This ain't a song for the broken-hearted
No silent prayer for the faith-departed
I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd
You're gonna hear my voice
When I shout it out loud

Chorus:
It's my life
It's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
(It's my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just wanna live while I'm alive
It's my life

This is for the ones who stood their ground
For Tommy and Gina who never backed down
Tomorrow's getting harder make no mistake
Luck ain't even lucky
Got to make your own breaks

Chorus:
It's my life
And it's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
(It's my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just want to live while I'm alive
'Cause it's my life

Better stand tall when they're calling you out
Don't bend, don't break, hell, don't back down

Chorus:
It's my life
And it's now or never
'Cause I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
(It's my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just want to live while I'm alive

Chorus:
It's my life
And it's now or never
'Cause I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
(It's my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just want to live while I'm alive
'Cause it's my life

I am scared we aren't going to make it... does he even want to?

Well that leads me to Jon. I don't get him at all. Yes we are still together and yes I am still happy. But is he? Juries out. I just can't figure him out. He is so hot and cold with me. Sometimes all he wants to do is snuggle and other times he can't be bothered with me.

As for me moving, he seems completely not bothered by it. It seems like me moving makes him actually happy. So the thought was when he graduated he would follow me where I ended up. I am not sure that's the case anymore. He refuses to talk about the future with me at all. I am hoping for the best but preparing for the worse with him.

All of this mostly has to do with him and I getting into a huge fight about marriage. It was weird but we use to talk about getting married a lot, in the beginning of our relationship, but alas that's not the case anymore. I am not even allowed to bring it up with him. And as far as wedding shows, he hates it if I watch them, especially if he's around. It just changed. I don't know what his deal is. Is he breaking up with me? Who knows.

A few weeks ago he said a pretty hurtful thing and I don't think he even realizes it, or if he does it was pretty harsh. He was talking about some chick he works with was thinking about moving in her with her boyfriend, (FYI back in October due to horrible living conditions we moved in together) and she asked if there was any advice. He said sometimes just leave him the fuck alone. And I thought wow, if that's not a giant hint I don't know what is. It hurt. A lot.

Ok, so an update? An by update I mean everything I can remember from a while ago.

Alright so let's start with school... well I am graduating in oh 39 days. Scary I know. Hell I am terrified, I get the pleasure of graduating with roughly $100,000 dollars worth of student loans. So the question that might be on your mind is how will I survive? Well easy. I plan on getting a job. Well unfortunately for that it means moving back to CT. Now there are both good things about this and bad things.

For starters, dad is going to let me move in with him, and rent free. I won't be paying any bills except well of course my student loans. Sucky I know. Downside alas I must leave CO. While I love it here, there is little in the job market for me, and I just can't support myself financially.

So why the job? Well I applied to law school, and while I haven't heard from all of them yet, the chances of me getting accepted are not looking great. I have four more to hear from and yet I am not hopeful. They want older people with more experience and that's cool with me. So maybe in a few years.

So then I guess I can talk about where I am working. I work at a place Raising Cane's. So I was working at a textbook store and all the people did there was smoke pot and get drunk. It was sucky. So I quit. Then I was without a job for a while. That sucked. Now I work at a chicken place. I don't know which is worse but its bad. The people there suck, the restaurant while the food is good is so bad for you, and I make jack shit as far as money is concerned. Whatever I only need it to pay some bills, my last day is in less than a month anyway.

So a few days ago, actually approximately a week ago, Leslie told me something that I wish on no one. Tom's brother died. From what I have gathered, Charlie died in an helicopter crash. At first I didn't know how to react, but then later that day I started to ball. Not so much becuase I knew Charlie, fact of the matter is I never met him. I started to cry because Tom was my best friend and now I can't even tell him how sorry I am for his loss. Going from best friends to not speaking at all, was really hard on me, but I had been working past it. I have been doing so much better lately in comparison to the beginning, and then this happened. I called my dad and asked him what I should do. He told me that I could sign a card if Leslie sent one or if there is a donation send one. It still is hard to know that I can't actually talk to him to console him or at least listen. For what's it worth, all things aside from the past, I am sorry for his loss.

I remember when it all first began
We were tight right from the start
It wasn't long before you came on strong
Trying hard to win my heart
I played hard to get
But I couldn't help but give up my heart in the end
You were thoughtful
Careful not to hurt the relationship

What happened to those days
When you used to be compassionate
Caring what I though and said
So attentive, a gentleman
Now it's hard to turn you head away from the TV set
Taking me for granted lately
And frankly it's gotta quit

Chorus:
Ooh I feel underappreciated
Now girls help me out
If you what I'm talking about
I said
I'm feeling underappreciated
For all the time and effort
I have put in this commitment

Let's take it back again to the very beginning
When out love was something new
Back when romance was important
Not just another thing to do
I was feeling high on loves delight
Thought I'd never come back down
Now it seems that you and me have lost our solid ground

After time I realized
I seem to give more that I get
Funny how things seem to change
After a few years commitment
Used to talk for hours on end
Of our dreams while we lay in bed
I miss those days when you stayed awake
Now you roll over and snore instead

Chorus

I miss the nice massages
The long phone calls
And the way you talked
how it'd turn me on
Miss the bubble baths
Had the sweetest laughs
I'm needin those days back

Chorusx2

13 an easier time... or does it just seem that way? 13 I was care free. I liked that.

So I got back to CO. Woot! It only took 3 months. I will say that my summer wasn't so bad, but only because of the people that I worked with. I actually enjoyed going to work. Can you believe it? I know, neither can I.

I was expecting that when I got to CO things would just fall into place and everything would be good. Well low and behold, my roommate got deployed, or is maybe getting deployed. In any event, my other room mate and I are forcing her to move out, trust me it was best for everyone that way. So that left Tiff and I to find another roommate. Well we had a prospect, but that fell through, so we searched online. Here's where Matt comes to play. He's a nice guy who just had a horrible breakup and at the last minute decided to transfer to CSU and viola, he is now my roommate. I interviewed last night and we will move in probably next week. All good stuff. :)

So that was one worry that I can check off the list. The next is a job. I had an interview today, I think it went well enough, I am hoping that it will work out. I would be a receptionist for student media. That's cool I like media, for crying outloud I am a media minor. :) If I don't hear by the end of the week, well its time to send out applications again. I am hoping though.

Well Jon just walked in, so until later.
Au revoir.

So I just went to the movies. I saw Bourbe Ulimatum. Good, entertaining, cinematgraphy(Sp?) needs works. During action scenes the camera was everywhere and almost made you sick. :(

I'm looking at you through the glass...
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh, god it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home sitting all alone inside your head

How do you feel? That is the question
But I forget.. you don't expect an easy answer
When something like a soul becomes
Initialized and folded up like paper dolls and little notes
You can't expect a bit of hope
So while you're outside looking in
Describing what you see
Remember what you're staring at is me

Cause I'm looking at you through the glass...
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
When no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head

How much is real? So much to question
An epidemic of the mannequins
Contaminating everything
When thought came from the heart
It never did right from the start
Just listen to the noises
(No more sad voices)
Before you tell yourself
It's just a different scene
Remember it's just different from what you've seen

I'm looking at you through the glass...
Don't know how much time has passed
And all I know is that it feels like forever
When no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head

And it's the starrrssss
The sttarrrsss
That shine for you
And it's the starrrssss
The sttarrrsss
That lie to you.. yeah-ah

I'm looking at you through the glass...
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh, god it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head

'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass...
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your heaaaaddd

And it's the starrrssss
The sttarrrsss
That shine for you.. yeah-ah
And it's the starrrssss
The sttarrrsss
That lie to you.. yeah-ah

And it's the starrrssss
The sttarrrsss
That shine for you.. yeah-ah
And it's the starrrssss
The sttarrrsss
That lie to you.. yeah-ah yeah

Ohhhoh when the starrs
Ohhh oh when the starrrrs that liieee